Mad Skillz | WYPR

Mad Skillz

Apr 13, 2018

We've taken the liberty of drafting new LinkedIn profiles for famous people, all of whom have names that sound like jobs or occupations. Based on these revised, more literal career summaries, can you identify the celebrity? Make sure to keep your answers to one page, and choose your fonts carefully.

Heard on Ntare Guma Mbaho Mwine: Muse Clues

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Want our next special guest to play for you? Follow ASK ME ANOTHER on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Our next game is about celebrity resumes. And I don't care how famous you are. Keep it to one page. Let's meet our contestants. First up, Faith Karg on buzzer number one.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: You're a speech and language pathologist. Welcome.

(CHEERING)

FAITH KARG: Thank you so much for having me.

EISENBERG: Your opponent is Lance Merlo on buzzer number two.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: You work at a startup that coordinates freight trucks. Welcome.

LANCE MERLO: Thanks so much. Glad to be here.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Faith, you also volunteer at an animal shelter and foster little animals.

KARG: Yes. But I am a foster failure. I...

EISENBERG: What does that mean?

KARG: So I went in one day. And there's the sweetest little dog. And she had her puppies. And all the puppies were adopted. And she just sat there watching me. So I took her home. And two and a half later, she's the love of my life.

EISENBERG: Oh, you're a foster failure because you keep them.

KARG: Exactly.

EISENBERG: Oh, that's...

KARG: Exactly.

EISENBERG: That's perfect. Yeah, everyone's happy.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Everyone's happy. Maybe they should change that term - foster failure.

KARG: Yeah. I feel like I'm a foster winner.

EISENBERG: Yeah, exactly.

KARG: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Exactly.

KARG: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Lance, you are a big movie buff.

MERLO: Correct.

EISENBERG: OK. You've seen a lot of movies your whole life. What is the last movie you saw that truly affected your outlook on life?

MERLO: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

MERLO: You know, the affecting ones aren't really my forte.

EISENBERG: Oh, really?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You prefer, like...

MERLO: But as far as outlook goes...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

MERLO: We saw "Ant-Man" recently.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

MERLO: And everything's really tiny or really big. So...

(LAUGHTER)

KARG: It's true.

MERLO: ...It changes your perspective.

(LAUGHTER)

JONATHAN COULTON: Quite literally.

EISENBERG: Good. OK. Remember, Faith and Lance, the first of you who wins two of our games will go to our final round. Let's go to your first game. Well, this is a trivia game called Mad Skills. We're going to read you fictional LinkedIn profiles of famous people. All of these people have names that sound like jobs or occupations. You just ring in to identify the person. Here we go.

Skills include saving her own life in "Alien," saving other people's lives in "Aliens" and failing to save the film "Alien 3."

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Also, proficient in fiber art.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Faith.

KARG: Sigourney Weaver.

EISENBERG: That is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: And just so you know, the alien made twice as much as her.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Oh, the alien was a woman. Don't worry about it.

Skills include composing jazz standards like "Round Midnight" and "Straight No Chaser," knows when to improvise on the piano and when to take a lifelong vow of silence.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Faith.

KARG: Monk.

EISENBERG: That is correct, Thelonious Monk.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Skills include multitasking in "The Sound of Music," whistling, singing "Edelweiss" and struggling to keep it platonic with the nanny. Also an experienced drainage system installer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Faith.

KARG: Christopher Plummer.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Here's your next question. Skills include leading private investigations in "Moonlighting," leading a self-titled sitcom and leading sheep.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Lance.

MERLO: Cybill Shepherd.

EISENBERG: You've got it. That is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Skills include giving the world's fanciest keynote presentations, best known for taking over the CEO job from Steve Jobs and making apple chicken salads at Apple.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Lance.

MERLO: Tim Cook.

COULTON: Tim Cook. That is right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Skills include taking on roles too terrifying for other people like playing a Spartan king in "300" and agreeing to co-star in "The Ugly Truth." He likes to unwind with less demanding work like running the male wait staff of a large estate.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Lance.

MERLO: Gerard Butler.

EISENBERG: That is correct. Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: And just so everyone knows that might be listening, yes, we have heard that his name is actually pronounced Jared (ph).

COULTON: Well, I'm sorry. That's not how it's spelled.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I know.

COULTON: This is your last clue. Skills include selling millions of albums, singing hits like "Yeah" and "Love In This Club," also knowing where to find the nearest exit at a Justin Bieber concert.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Lance.

MERLO: Usher.

COULTON: Usher. You've got it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Puzzle guru Art Chung, how did our contestants do?

ART CHUNG: Well, then, Lance, you're one step closer to the final round.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Next up is a music parody we left plugged in all night, so it has a full charge. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and this is ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.